What not to say to someone facing cancer

Let's go for a drink, just don't say anything!

I read an interesting article published in the New York Times recently. According to the author, some words uttered by well-meaning friends and relatives can be unforgivably cringeworthy,  intrusive and inappropriate to a cancer patient! I totally agree with her! I guess we ought to be more tactful when talking with someone facing cancer regardless of stages - its diagnosis, treatment and aftermath!

Go read this article, refreshing and enlightening, at least to a cancer patient like me! (http://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/28/well/live/what-not-to-say-to-a-cancer-patient.html?smid=fb-nytimes&smtyp=cur&_r=0)

Some of the helpful points mentioned in the article include

• Don't preach (about staying positive, diet, lifestyle blah blah...)
• Don't offer information 
• Don't ask about prognosis 
• Don't say the patient is lucky (and compare with other cancer patient!)
• Don't comment about the patient's physical changes
• Don't burden the patient with your emotion or distress

Well, I think some of these points may not be applicable to family members and good friends! It will be perfectly ok for any one of them to preach, nag and complain, after all, I know they meant well!


I must say I was rather amused when I hear people saying things like...

• I am so sorry to hear this OR I felt so sorry for you - No, you don't have to as I am perfectly fine and am dealing with this!  

• This is so shocking - well, you don't have to tell me this!

• My relative passed away recently and it was recurrent cancer, looks like cancer will come back after a few years - hint hint....

• Someone told us your condition is a recurrent case - are u telling me a rumour?  

• Stay strong, fight - I know you meant well, but I am perfectly fine, I prefer to manage cancer rather than to fight....there is nothing to fight....

• You are lucky because it is ER/PR + and c-erb negative - Thanks but no thanks! 

• You looked so positive despite your problem - Hmm....shall I pretend otherwise?

Luckily I am pretty good at filtering nonsense, sulking and pouting in self-pity never really took place!

To make my day, say this.........

• let's go for a drink, for dinner, for food, for anything! (yes! thank you for your time!)

• you looked like a Korean with your head scarf (Thank you, I consider this a compliment!)

• here I brought you some fresh vegetables and fruits (oh, thanks a milion, this is definitely life-saving!)