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| Be kind to yourself and the rest around you, embrace life and death. |
I have received numerous enquiries on diagnosis, laboratory
results, treatment and coping mechanisms. Most enquiries were from cancer
patients themselves, some from concerned family members. Questions were usually
straight forward, mostly on diet and side effects of chemotherapy. However,
some questions turned out to be lamentations of the heart, desperate for a
willing listener.
Some people communicated with me via WhatsApp, others came
over to my apartment for a visit. Reaching out to people can be both liberating
and fascinating but sometimes a daunting task. I really have to be extra
careful when speaking to either patients themselves or family members. Some
patients or family members are friendly, understanding and optimistic and
talking to them was a learning experience. However, some were tricky to deal
with.
Anger mixed with sadness and desperation and feelings of hopelessness
are some of the emotions I have encountered at times. Everybody is fearful
towards death or the possibility of death. Death is taboo subject to most
people, and not many would want to talk about it. Feelings of uncertainty, loss
and anxiety crept in as soon as the diagnosis of a terminal condition is made
known. It is definitely difficult to accept how cruel the reality can be. Why
me? Why me? I have been taking care of my health for as long as I am alive! Why
me? I have never done bad things in my life, what did I do to deserve this? Why
me? I am a happy person! Well, a happy
person can turn out to be the angriest person you ever met.
Fortunately for me, I
never really fell into that vulnerable stage of emotion. I somehow circumvented
all that negative feelings by totally accepting my condition without fear. I
embrace death as a natural process. Instead of feeling angry, I was feeling grateful
for the great childhood (despite being poor), for the challenging life so far
and all the things I have achieved. I focus on the present and forget about the
future. I let go.
It can be unimaginable to be in a cancer patient’s shoes,
but there are certainly options to choose from, on how we handle our emotions. Having
a terminal disease definitely does not mean we can simply throw tantrums and vent
your anger at our friends or families. As much as they want to be a crying
shoulder for u, they certainly don’t want to be punching bag at your disposal. Be
thankful that they are sticking around.
It is definitely ok
to feel sad and depressed when dealing with an unthinkable diagnosis. However,
it is equally crucial to snap out of these emotions the sooner the better. Managing
the challenges with a positive mind set will help reduce the stress and
frustrations along the way.
Facing reality:
Things beyond our control:
- The way we die
- The date and time we die
- The past and the future
Things we can control:
- Our actions
- Our emotions
- Now
- How long have I been in this situation, feeling down or sad or angry?
- How long do I want to be at this stage of emotion?
- Have I got all the information needed to make a decision?
- Am I making progress with regards to these decisions?
- Is there anybody who can help me in some ways?
- Is there a need to seek help from another without feeling lousy?
- Is there a need to talk to someone whom I can trust?
- Am I reading enough to obtain information which may help in my condition?
- Am I taking positive actions with my diet and lifestyle?
- Am I taking actions with what I can do with the time l have?
- Am I humble enough to listen to my friends and family members?
- Am I humble enough to help other people facing the same predicament?
Some points to ponder:
- Mental wellbeing – try mindfulness, try meditation, try humor
- Physical wellbeing – try exercise, try stretching, try Yoga
- Positive and compassionate outlook –try to be a considerate friend first before making demands, don’t be an asshole!
- Peace – stay away from toxic relationships, in the same manner, don't be a toxic yourself!
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