one o'clock position

Both of my breasts have been lumpy all these while. They will be fully engorged and painful, usually a few days before my period. I thought it was pretty normal. I did try to reduce salt intake for instance. One thing for sure, I did not bother to look up if the food that I have been taking would be too estrogenic! Yup, I take soya products occasionally, enjoy black bean soup, use quite a lot of fermented beans for steam fish, soya sauce and yes, Rooibos tea after dinner has been a routine for months.

“M, this time the ultrasound looks no good ya”, the doctor greeted me with this when I sat down next to him. “come, let me check”. I quickly unbuttoned my shirt and unhooked whatever beneath and he said “Hmm, the movement of this lump is no good. I guess it’s either Stage I or II”

I just kept quiet and nodded my head. “Are you ok?, we will schedule the operation on Monday”. “Ok” was my reply and after much thinking I postponed the surgery to a Friday instead, I needed to inform my colleagues and make other arrangements. "Now, let me let you know how I managed this, we will do a lumpectomy first and send the tumor for analysis. Within 15 minutes we will know if the tumor is cancerous, and if indeed cancerous, I will proceed with wide excision axillary clearance". I just stared at him and wondered how he coped with his hundred of patients everyday.....

The doctor must be wondering my lack of expression. Immediately I was whizzed to the Imaging Center again for a complete ultrasound on other organs as well as an X-ray to check on the lungs. It was definitely not a good day in my life, because I have wait hours to get it done. I was rather calm throughout the day.

I messaged my dear husband and told him I need to go for a surgery to remove the tumor. The tumor doesn’t seem friendly and most probably it is not benign. That’s about it.

I am not really sure how my husband or kids felt about my condition, but I do think my positive mindset has sort of influenced them to a certain extent. I explained to my eldest son about my condition, survival rates, chemotherapy and end it with “It’s no big deal, I can handle the chemotherapy, you don’t have to be worried about me, so just focus on your exams this year”. He understood and took it nicely. I am not sure about my youngest son though. 

The lumpectomy and lymph nodes surgery was uneventful. I stayed in the hospital for a couple of days and by the time I went back home, I was fully "functional" and independent. I could do minor housework and cook my own meals. I had sick leave for the whole month. The best part was I managed to complete a short write-up for a newspaper article during this period of time. I pat myself on the back and said "Bravo!". Life goes on until the day. Meanwhile, enjoy the present moment.